the uninvited editor

the uninvited editor: it is i! or: it is me! perhaps i am not deserving of the title, because i could actually go either way with that one. the uninvited editor: c’est moi! see, sometimes i’m down with the french.

em em
IS
the uninvited editor

(okay, i’m going to apologize just the one time for not using capitals, and break the news that that is probably not going to change. yes, i know, it’s annoying and juvenile and sometimes hard to read. what can i say: c’est moi!)

so now that i’ve created this new persona that is so very twentieth-century, i’ve had to do some very deeeeep soul searching and ask myself: what-or-who IS the uninvited editor? what is the INNER ESSENCE of the character? i mean, apart from the name being kind of hard to type (i’m totally gonna create a macro, once i figure out how to do it) and difficult to parse when the words are all run in together (hello, domain name!), and actually the more i look at it, the odder it appears, visually. awkward to pronounce, too. it’s like another language. wait, why did i do this, again? boy did i totally not think it through. okay ANYWAY. so i thought back to the then-unheralded birth of the uninvited editor, last thursday, when my erstwhile colleague responded to a comment i had made regarding her blog:

[13:49] Kiki: i amended the post
[13:49] Kiki:
[13:56] Em Em: em em - the unwanted editor
[13:57] Em Em: or… unprovoked?
[13:57] Kiki: haha
[13:57] Em Em: hmmm
[13:57] Em Em: i just spent 35 bucks at marshalls
[13:57] Kiki: the “f.u. write ur own posts mutherfucker” response was hastily written then deleted when i realized u were correct

and there we have it: the first response to the uninvited editor is fuck off! quickly followed by resigned acceptance of my innate rightness. it happened again today, sort of, in another shining moment for the uninvited editor. in my new department at work we have weekly meetings. whee! so i guess for normal people, the five minutes before the boss shows up is a happy and relaxed time to shoot the shit with your coworkers and generally be footloose and fancy free before you turn back into the robot that gives progress reports on various projects. an all too short moment when one can be oneself and not worry about the hypercriticism that so defines today’s workplace. so, blah blah, pac man, hello kitty, oh and did you guys hear that in japan they make the police officers wear hello kitty decals when they’re bad.

me: it’s thailand.
guy: oh, right.
me: japan is too civilized for that.
guy: okay.
me [schwarzenegger voice]: you are like a little girl.
guy: uh…what’s your name again?

okay, he didn’t say the last thing. there was just a long silence until the boss came in.

so, the uninvited editor’s modus operandi:

1) unprovoked correction.
2) questionable editorial.
3) barely lucid nonsequitur.

4) awkward silence.

anyway, i think my new job is going really well. i’m sure to make lots of new friends, once people realize that the more they talk to me, the more i can tell them what the right thing is. everybody can enjoy that!

the small print: please note that correction of me, grammatical or otherwise, is not allowed. great! now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, i’m feeling really good about this relationship. i really think we’re gonna make a great team. now, who’s got birthday cake?

[awkward silence]